I want to start off by saying, I don’t engage in mommy wars. I don’t judge other parents. As long as your kids are fed, warm, and hosed off once in a while I don’t care what you do with your children.
I became pregnant for the first time in August of 2011 and shortly thereafter became acquainted with a website called The Bump. On the site there are some handy tips, checklists, read: useless things I will buy my unborn child. There’s also forums, they’re divided into random subjects such as parenting, first, second, third trimester, and birth month clubs. This is the part I decided to delve into.
I looked around for a few days before deciding to post what I thought was a relatively non offensive question. I was wondering different ways they had told their significant others or “SO” in Bumpspeak. I also mentioned I was nervous about telling Troy.
Well, everyone was kind and helpful. For the most part it’s a very supportive group of women, and a few men. This one woman however proceeded to accuse me of having an affair and that the baby wasn’t Troys that’s why I was nervous to tell him. Not that I needed to prove anything to her, but I answered her and explained that we had planned on trying to conceive the next year and I was just worried because of the timing. We’ll then she decided I was stupid and didn’t know how babies were made. I then decided to be the better person and just drop it.
For the next few days I interacted nicely with other members and had a pleasant time. Sadly I had a miscarriage over the weekend was no longer a member of the forum.
Then when I became pregnant with Mason I joined the September 2012 birth month board. I didn’t post much, I was working three jobs and had a not so smart phone. I did check in once in a while to see how things were progressing with other moms and sometimes chuckle at the mommy wars that ensued over who ate cold lunch meat or a sip of Diet Coke.
There were judgements over home births v hospital, natural v epidural, they had birth plans and scoffed if you used a car seat that was part of a travel system. Not everyone, again a majority were very supportive of each other. Just a few had the opinion that they were God’s gift to the birthing and parenting process.
It only got better once the babies started coming. Breast feeding is best, one even compared feeding your baby formula was the equivalent to feeding them hot dogs. Someone on another board said that if you had a cesarean you didn’t actually give birth and therefore aren’t really a mother.
While I just laughed at the idiocy of some of the statements, some of them started to get to me. I felt like less of a mother because I didn’t buy Mason the piano play mat, because I bought his onesies from Walmart. I stared shopping on line for the best things money can buy so he could be one of the cool babies and I’d be his cool mother. This all came to a head when I was about to spend almost $400 on a Kate Spade diaper bag because only a dork would use a Winnie The Pooh diaper bag from Walmart.
So I stopped, I still want what is best for Mason but for different reasons. I buy good shoes for him because I know how much cheap shoes with no support hurt my feet. I buy him Columbia jackets because they’re the warmest and it very cold here about seven months of the year.
When I had Mason I was in labor for 46 hours, I got the epidural. When I was still only dilated to two centimeters and he was in some distress I had the cesarean. When he couldn’t latch because of an undiagnosed tongue tie, I gave him formula. I chose to spoon feed him home made baby food instead of something they called “baby led weaning”. I didn’t do the Ferber method of sleep training. I still don’t even know what that is.
Guess what? We’re doing just fine. Mason is happy, he’s healthy. He slept through the night at two months old. He chooses fruits and vegetables over anything else. It works for us. That’s the one thing I have learned since becoming a mother. What works for one family may not work for yours and that’s okay. Also, that Winnie the Pooh diaper bag served us well while we needed it. It held diapers, wipes, bottles of formula, and some spare clothing. Just as good as any Kate Spade did.
I check out The Bump from time to time, there aren’t too many people around any more so it’s pretty uneventful. I do follow a lot of them on Instagram though. It’s fun to see all of the babies grow up.
If you want to follow me on Instagram, my screen name is wendy767443.
Twitter, ihearttroy1, Pinterest, wendy767443.